Alone but Not Lonely: Happiness in Going Solo

Humans are social by nature. It’s how we’ve survived, created communities, built skyscrapers, and continue to advance each and every day. It’s natural to crave human connection. Studying abroad and immersing yourself in a new culture (and sometimes a new language) can be daunting. It can feel isolating, but there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. 

Years ago, I thought the things that would affect me most during my first study abroad program would be either health issues or homesickness. I was surprised to find that my biggest mental battle was with loneliness. My roommate was nice, but we had very different interests, and I found myself emotionally withdrawing after the first few days. I let myself fall into the pattern of wake up, dress, go to class, do homework, and go to bed. The entire time, I was waiting for an invitation to go out and do some activity.

I spent half of my six-week study waiting, another part hanging out with people I felt entirely disconnected from, and another part sick in bed because my immune system really decided to kick me when I was down.

My shining moment happened in my last week when I realized I didn’t have to be with other people to go exploring. Nothing was stopping me from going out on my own besides my anxiety. At 3 AM (when I’m most awake because I am a chronic night owl), I impulsively bought a train ticket to Busan. Thankfully, I didn’t encounter any zombies, although I did rewatch scenes from the movie Train to Busan beforehand.

During the ride, I looked up things to do in Busan. The list was extensive, so I decided to just close my eyes and scroll. When I placed my finger down, I was pointing at Yonggungsa Temple, also known as “The Most Beautiful Temple in Korea.” It stayed true to its title. I experienced a moment of pure, undiluted peace as I walked along a stone path surrounded by trees.

That moment unlocked something. When I returned to the United States, my desire to travel was almost overwhelming. Finances were the only things preventing me from jumping on an Amtrak train to cross the U.S. or ride up to Canada. I found myself searching for more and more things to do to satisfy the ever-growing boredom of suburban life. I snatched up the opportunity for a second study abroad as soon as it was presented.

I spent my Summer 2024 semester at Waseda University in Tokyo, Japan. I made a group of friends within the first few days, and we did a number of activities together. I did far more things on my own.

I created a list of places I wanted to visit in the six weeks I was there, and I went to every single one of them. I made chopsticks in Kawagoe and fed baby deer in Nara. I got lost in Kyoto while looking for my capsule hotel. I got jump-scared by a mechanical crab in Osaka. I visited a childhood friend in Kanazawa and saw a massive art exhibit made of kid’s toys. I had a conversation entirely through Google Translate with the owner of a ryokan I stayed in in Nagano. I had so many incredible, unusual, and beautiful experiences. I would have never had the opportunity to create those memories if I had waited for someone to ask, “Do you wanna go with me?”

This is not to dissuade anyone from making friends or participating in activities with others. Singing karaoke or visiting amusement parks alone can feel a little awkward, and some places even provide discounts if you go in a group. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with friends. The only thing that would be wrong would be allowing opportunities to pass by because you don’t have someone to join you.

Take the chance to do things independently, plan effectively, follow safety precautions, and let yourself experience life.

I am currently attending my third study abroad for my Fall 2024 semester at Pusan National University in Busan, South Korea. I have an extensive list of things I want to do, and I fully intend to make up for all of the time I wish I had enjoyed during my first study.

Lucy van der Merwe, University of Connecticut, is studying abroad in South Korea with TEAN.