Navigating Life’s Speed Bumps: Health, Wellness, and Studying Abroad

It’s October 26th. The emotion I feel right now, more than anything, is envy.

I am envious of my friends as they climb up the steep hill to continue the hike I can’t complete. It’s frustrating. I want to go to the top of the mountain. I want to take my own photos. 

I can’t. I am physically incapable of continuing, and my entire body hurts. My brain doesn’t seem to comprehend this. It’s screaming at me to keep going, but I can’t, and that perhaps hurts even more. 

So, here I sit in the garden amongst flowers exploding with color and expertly trimmed hedges that look straight out of Edward Scissorhands. It’s a beautiful sight, but it can’t quite quell the nagging, aching sadness creeping into my mind.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When else will I be able to visit here? Why can’t I just enjoy what I can do?

Truthfully, it’s because I’m greedy. I desire more and more all the time. More fun. More experience. More knowledge. I want everything.

This is the perpetual struggle of an individual with a severe case of wanderlust who is limited by disabilities. Sometimes, I just want to curl up in bed so I can daydream about running a marathon or reaching the peak of Mount Everest. After all, in my fantasies, nothing hurts. I could mentally experience everything without the physical experience of pain. 

The only thing that prevents me from staying home 24/7 is stubbornness. I’ve inherited it from both of my parents.

When I was nine years old, I saw a photo of a place in South Korea with a rainbow road. I have no idea why I became so transfixed by this picture. It became my obsession, and I promised myself that I would someday visit that place and take a photo in that spot.

I spent 13 years of my life thinking about what that moment would be like. In the summer of 2023, it became an actuality. My roommate had no idea why I suddenly burst into tears. So many years of struggling with my mental health, my physical health, and the stress of life finally felt worth it. Every moment of struggle was worth it to fulfill my childhood dream. 

This is the reason I explore. How could I deny myself the possibility of experiencing that feeling of accomplishment again?

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October 27th. It’s the day after our trip to Geoje. I spent two hours trying to will myself up to get some much-needed caffeine in my system. It feels like my body was run over by a steamroller. Every movement feels like I’m fighting gravity.

As soon as I drank my coffee, I got back into bed to rest more. The dull ache in every joint had me momentarily regretting the trip, but as soon as I looked through the photos, I felt no regret whatsoever. 

I remembered the moments of excitement during the trip. The windmill atop Windy Hill reminded me of exploring the Netherlands with my family back in 2017 – my very first time out of the country and the spark of my love for traveling. 

I remembered the anticipation of the ferry ride. I spent my childhood sailing with my father on the Hudson River on a sloop called the Woody Guthrie. A ferry ride is much different from sailing, but the happiness of being on the water was the same.

I remembered marveling at the carved statues and immaculate gardens. I think about the mini solo stroll I took while returning to the docks. It brought me to a jetty where there was a man positioning and repositioning a tripod to get the best angle of a “candid” photo. 

I remembered the thrill of being thousands of feet in the air during a cable car ride. I took videos while looking down at the trees, thinking about how they sort of looked like broccoli from our angle. We played a game of spotting the stuffed toy bears hidden around the trail.

Yes, my joints feel like they’re on fire, but these photos are the still frames of an experience I will always be thankful for. 

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November 9th. It’s two weeks later, and we visited Yonggungsa Temple. This was the temple I visited during my impromptu solo trip to Busan from my summer program in 2023 at Yonsei University in Seoul. I saw the bench where, just last year, I sobbed for half an hour while staring at the water. It was my very last week in Korea, and I was thinking to myself, “Will I ever get to see this again? Will I ever experience the peace I feel here?”

Little did I know that just one year later, I would be back in South Korea. 

I get to have all of the foods I missed. I get to see the places I wasn’t able to visit before. I get to immerse myself in the language and culture again. I get to plan out where I want to live when I pursue a teaching position. (Side note: I completed my teaching program during this study! I’m officially certified to teach English.) It’s a huge accomplishment that I’m proud of, and being here really pushed me to complete it. 

In short, no, I cannot climb a mountain all the way to the top. No, I cannot run a marathon. No, I can no longer go on trips without contingency plans in case I start feeling too unwell partway through. Yes, there are some days when I struggle to drag myself out of bed. 

Is it worth it? Absolutely. 

Lucy van der Merwe, University of Connecticut, is studying abroad in South Korea with TEAN.