The semester is coming to an end, and I’m conflicted about how I should be feeling. On one hand, I’ll be escaping the crisp, windy days of Sydney and launching into another scorching Georgia summer. On the other, I’ll be leaving behind the life I’ve built here in my host country for the past five months.
I remember talking to one of my Aussie friends about this, and he joked that I “was Australian now,” which I felt in some ways was true. Although I didn’t grow up in Australia, my time here has felt a bit like a lifetime with the connections and memories I’ve made. Five months seems like such a short while until you think about the person you were before this entire experience.
I had a lot of expectations for this semester abroad, like anyone else would. I held myself to this image of a girl who would be this magnetic, life-of-the-party, does-it-all type of person. I don’t view it as a bad thing that I had this hope, but I think I put a little too much pressure on myself to achieve this in ways that were completely different from my personality.
At the beginning of my program, I took as many opportunities as I could to explore Sydney. I embarked on journeys I would’ve never even considered back home, including during my time up in Cairns, Queensland, for our program’s orientation. I think most people can relate to the fact that, once the semester officially kicked in, I became too busy with classes and assignments to go after my cultural experiences.
I’m the type of person who tends to let her schoolwork take over her social life, to the point where my friends don’t even have to guess what my plans are for the evening because I’ve said it enough times already. “Oh, just some reading for class.” “Reading.” “I’ve got some stuff for class that I have to catch up on.” These explanations would be cycled through, and by and by, I began to feel a major case of FOMO as I would see others go out and have the time of their lives while I was stuck huddled in my room and staring at my computer for hours.
At first, I was bitter about this reality. Why couldn’t I be like them? Why didn’t I have the money to constantly go on trips or buy the things that I wanted? Why couldn’t I just let go and have fun while being in another country? Why am I doing this to myself?
I made myself feel so miserable about these comparisons that I forgot the main point of why I was here. My time in Australia wasn’t to be like everyone around me, or try and stretch myself to a limit I wasn’t comfortable with. While it’s great to get out of your comfort zone, it’s also important to still remain true to yourself.
One of the biggest aspects of my being here for my semester abroad was that I got the opportunity to do so in the first place. That alone sets me apart from many other people and makes me realize how grateful I am for having the chance to do this. While I’m not able to always go out or go to fancy places, there are still experiences that I can have that are where I am comfortable with and able to do.
On Lunar New Year’s Day, I went out to Haymarket for a little bit to experience the holiday Sydney style. Storefronts were decorated with various decors of red and gold, encompassing the year of the dragon. Everyone celebrating was dressed in the traditional clothing of their representative countries or respectfully wearing the color red in hopes of having luck into the new year.
For mid-semester break, I wasn’t able to go anywhere, so I took the opportunity to explore more parts of Sydney that I hadn’t gone to before. I spent a lot of my time in the city simply walking its various streets and taking in the sights. I probably know more about the interconnected suburbs and streets of inner Sydney than a lot of my friends, which I consider to be a huge flex in itself. While I had a different experience from the rest of them, my experience was a valid one nonetheless. I learned a lot about the culture of Sydney simply by living and walking here.
So, to anyone else who might be feeling like they’re missing out on so much during their study abroad because of financial situations or workload: You are not alone, and you are doing more than enough to make your time worth it in your host country. To be able to even say that you studied somewhere outside of your home country is something to be proud of.
You don’t have to feel ashamed that you didn’t get to do everything your friends were doing, or that you wanted to do, because most people won’t ever get to have that opportunity and will be happy that you did. I’m so proud of you no matter what, so keep exploring. Here’s to Sydney, to study abroad, and to the many more adventures to come.
Grace Lawrence, Berry College, is studying abroad in Australia with TEAN.
